(Self) Reflections from Practice - What this work asks of us

Embracing systems and participatory approaches brings with it fear, shame and grief.

The loss of a sense of control is terrifying and devastating, especially for those of us who are deeply attached and definite in our intent to ‘make the world a better place’. Losing the sense that what we do can control the systems we are a part of is a sh*tty and deep realisation.

Confronting the reality that the approaches we have been so deeply committed to have incredible limitations and flaws, cause harm and contribute to the conditions that hold these problems in place is traumatising and feels like a personal attack. Not having an answer that provides such a definitive feeling (‘if not this then what is it?’) is used as a rationale for sticking with the harm we know rather than trying for something different.

Frustration in people not being able to see things ‘this way’ is more of the same thinking that got us here. It creates a lack of empathy in those of us seeking to change how our systems are behaving. We sink back in to blame, which simply is shame externalised (see: Brene Brown on shame). This takes us down pathways leading away from where resolutions may actually lie. Falling in to technical solutions with flawed underlying assumptions about people, the role we can (or should) play, with fixations on problems and their fixes.

We must ask ourselves where this comes from and what drives this, including our own anger and frustration that people ‘just need to get it’. Our need to believe that this ‘new way’ (‘our way’?) is in fact the ‘right’ way, sounds familiar don’t you think? Beliefs and feelings that drive us to excuse our own sh*t behaviour for the ‘sake of the kaupapa’ and getting the ‘right ‘ result - yet the ends cannot excuse the means.

We focus on changing others, setting up an inherent us and them dynamic. Rather than changing ourselves by opening, examining and being curious with our own mental models and roles in our systems. We talk about needing to role model the change we are seeking yet stray from practices that enable us all to change; reverting to awareness raising, incentivising behaviours or worse penalising behaviours we determine aren’t congruent with our ‘future state’.

So what is this asking of us? Perhaps being the change is less about being better or ahead of others - which is what we actually mean when we say we need to ‘take people on the journey’. This assumes we have it figured out, we are the experts, have all we need in our kete to do this and that we are taking passengers with us. Perhaps instead we can commit to staying engaged, leaning in to discomfort, speaking our truth and not expecting closure in our work (see: agreements in Courageous Conversations about Race framework).

We need to support ourselves as collectives to notice, experience and address our fear, shame and grief with compassion, manaaki and maturity.

It could be about facing in to our own identities, flaws and vulnerabilities and being willing to be messy and wrong. Often. Dismantling the argument rather than having it. By creating the conditions and structures for us to do this for ourselves, we build momentum and movement and coalition around this way of being.

Systems work requires commitment to a collective present. A promise to being different here and now, together. To recognise our defaults, our responses and paradigms in today. Putting these on the table as information, data and signals for us to collectively sift through and find the richness and complexity for us to build a future from.

What this work asks of us is different to what we are used to. This is spiritual and relational and asks us to believe in things that our work places and approaches have excluded as ‘unimportant’ or not of value (NB: institutional ‘isms are held in place with these default settings determining what and who is valued or not).

So this requires us to be deeply uncomfortable, often. Reckoning with the deep flaws of being human so we can embrace the incredible resilience and opportunities that it offers us too. We don’t get to pick and choose what aspects of complexity we invite in to our work. We open the doors and address what walks through with humility, humanity and humour where we can.

And so I am left wondering, what might this look like for us and take from us…